Change of Heart

My church has a prison ministry with a pen-pal program and Sunday morning worship service at a maximum security prison.  It gets a lot of attention and support from our congregation.  I myself have not gotten involved with it at all.  I’m thankful for those who support it, but I focus my energies on ministries that are closer to my heart.  I’ve somehow managed to convince myself that I have little in common with the prisoners there.  But I’m having a change of heart.

I got a letter from an inmate at this prison last week.  He read “Forty Lives” and wanted to thank me for its message.  He readily admits his mistakes and is struggling to forgive himself for his past.  Consequently, there’s one paragraph in the book that touched him the most.  It’s a realization of one of the characters about atonement – that while we do all we can in our power to atone for our wrongdoings, the fact is Jesus has already taken care of it.  Accepting that and letting go of guilt can be a challenging road in itself.

 Funny thing is, that’s the very paragraph that surprised me when I wrote it, tears streaming down my face.  Throughout the writing of most of the book, I thought I identified most with Anna, the woman trying to learn how to forgive rather than Eddie, the man seeking forgiveness.  When I got to that part, the truth hit me – forgiving myself is much more difficult than forgiving others. 

 So it turns out that we’re not that different – this man sitting in his prison cell, surrounded by walls and steel bars, and me sitting comfortably in my home surrounded by a loving family.  We are both loved equally by God.  We are both called to serve God and others.  And we are both forgiven – and by God’s grace – are learning how to forgive ourselves.